Drunkles, funcles, and the uncles that promised to be a bad influence. If you’re anything like my brother, it’s about two days before Christmas and you’re frantically trying to buy all your gifts before you fly home for the holidays. To complicate matters, you have no idea how babies work. You can’t buy your niece a gift card, and your nephew is too young for your standard bottle of whiskey.
Have a niece or nephew around one? Here are some last-minute gifts to get them.
Clearly, the gifts won’t look like these – they’ll be hastily shoved in a used gift bag. But, at the very least, they probably won’t piss your sister off… much. Keep this up, and you’ll cement your coveted favorite uncle status.
Maybe my own brother will find this list. Here’s hoping.
A Ridiculous Winter Hat
1-year-olds can’t be embarrassed. They will, however, get cold. Get the kid a silly beanie that will make your sister squeal and take a million photos every time they go outside this winter. Think: giant pom-poms, animal ears, bright colors.
Whatever you do, size up. A hat that’s a bit too big is still useful. A hat that’s too small will look like a yarmulke and the baby is too young to understand cultural appropriation.
Big spender who insists on being classy? Maybe something from Patagonia. Otherwise, there are a zillion cheaper options on Amazon. Maybe a pilot hat? Or some animal ears?
But please. Please. Your nephew has an enormous head. (Ok, might be talking about my own baby at this point.)
Toy Cars
No, not Hot Wheels. Maybe in a few years, but meanwhile, do you want baby to choke, you monster?
But toddler-friendly toy cars? Your niece or nephew will love them, and it’ll drive your sister crazy how she finds them all over the house.
Afraid you might buy them toy cars they already have? Don’t. They can go in the diaper bag, stroller, car… your niece or nephew requires constant entertainment, after all.
I particularly like the Melissa and Doug ones, because they won’t hurt when I step on them.
The Most Special Stuffed Animal
The timing is perfect to give your niece or nephew the only stuffed animal that will ever matter. Like a duckling imprinting on its mother, a young toddler will attach itself to one stuffed animal.
Which one will they pick? Nobody knows. But if it’s the one you bought them, you’ll achieve legendary status, as they might keep that stuffie their whole life.
I’m 41, and the Gund teddy bear a friend of my parents got me still sits on my dresser. That kind person who bought me my teddy bear has had a lasting effect on my life. Teddy Bear, as he’s officially named, has moved from city to city with me, ever the steadfast companion. He might be battered to hell and for some reason has an eyeball for a nose, but that thing is the first thing I’m saving in a fire after my baby and, fine, my husband.
Don’t you want to be the person that gets your niece or nephew that special friend? I’m proud to say that I was the one that bought my own niece her favorite stuffed animal, a Gund bear she calls Gunther. And yes, that does make me feel like a winner.
Which one to choose? Clearly, Gund bears are made to last (and hopefully they don’t cut corners anymore by using extra eyeballs to make the nose.)
I’m also a big fan of Jellycats. They are expensive, but super high quality. Don’t shell out hundreds for the extra-large – a medium-sized Jellycat is the perfect sized toddler friend. There are tons of weird and wacky Jellycat options, too – imagine your niece or nephew snuggling a bull, seahorse, or even a stuffed hot chocolate.
Beware of buying a really obscure stuffed animal… if the kid loses their stuffie a few years down the road you’ll be frantically looking on eBay to find another one to mend their traumatized heart.
Fine, Something Annoying
You insist on getting something that will annoy the crap out of your sister? I get it – it’s a longstanding tradition for aunts and uncles to get their nieces and nephews something loud and obnoxious. My aunts and uncles did it for me, and before my own son was born I bought my niece this monstrosity on Amazon for her first Christmas. I’m not sure why the Playskool Chase ‘n Go Ball Popper cost $50, but it was worth every penny to see how it completely broke my brother when he set it up after one too many Christmas cocktails.
So, as long as the parents aren’t next-level crunchy, get some plastic, loud light-up toy for your niece or nephew. All the moms I know have at least one annoying electronic toy squirreled away to amuse their little goblin on a particularly hard day.
Nothing
Yes, that’s right. Nothing. A one-year-old isn’t going to know the difference. Heck, you could get the kid an empty cardboard box and they’d be amused for hours. Think about the baby’s poor, tired mother though. Maybe you should spend the extra cash on her. She could really use a trip to the spa.
